Serge,
I don't know you well, but I know you're a fine man.
In ten years, you've always done your job with care, without complaining.
Your stats are astounding.
Never absent, never sick, never bad-tempered.
Our country owes the great quality of our cured meats to you.
Today, as you already know, with a heavy heart,
it's time for you to leave us for your highly deserved retirement.
You may not know it, Serge,
and they certainly wouldn't admit it themselves,
out of modesty, but it was your co-workers
who had the original idea for this farewell party.
A surprise!
Proof that they're not only co-workers, but also friends.
This also explains our leadership in the pork-product industry.
Work, yes, but work with friends is much better, believe you me!
Anything to add?
No.
Then let the party begin!
Can you imagine the daily products showed up five minutes before opening?
What a nightmare!
Customers bitching because we're stocking the shelves!
Of course, the assholes start shopping at nine o'clock sharp!
At nine, there's already a line out front!
Indeed!
And now we're forced to accept any position.
I told Blondeau, I'll never work the fish counter!
I swear, never!
Stinky hands for a week, and who knows what else!
- What's that? - A puzzle.
Duh. I can see that! Where from?
A retirement gift.
I'll say!
Far better than a microwave or flat screen.
Did they hold back their tears?
We've been buddies for ten years. Take a look.
36... by 27 inches.
36 inches...
Yeah, for sure, you made some real close ties!
So now you'll be at home all day, what do you plan to do?
I dunno.
You sure have a lot to do! I'll say...
2,000 pieces...
How many times have I told you not to drink after five o'clock?
You're gonna wake me up pissing all night.
Your prostate is a mess and you go on and on...
Lift the seat!
That's good stuff, that is.
I should know, it was my job.
Yep.
Real nice skin colour,
pink to purple...
Good texture, marbled, water marinated...
Must be smoked,
applewood or hickory, isn't that right?
Damned if I know! I don't have a PhD in ham.
You got a lot free time, huh?
Not at all, I've got tons to do.
Thought you might take some pride in your work.
Pride? At minimum wage? You know where to stick it.
How about being polite?
I am polite. Fuck you.
What? Asshole!
When you get a chance to work in ham, take some interest in your job.
I'd kick your puny apathetic ass, if it weren't for my wife...
- Your wife? You've got a wife? - What?
As ugly as you are? A wife? Who is she?
- Try coming this side of the counter. - Fuckass!
- I'm gonna fuck you and your cap up! - Fuckass!
- Huh? - You're the fat fuckass!
Easy to say behind your counter!
Lucky for you, sucker. Get the fuck out of here!
- Fucking loser! - Asshole!
Huh? My hair? Your sad-ass cap!
- There's your wife! - You fucking with me?
You can't come here.
I can't check out family members. You know that.
You want me to get fired?
And you wreak havoc in the store!
You call the retirement fund?
Uh, yeah, but...
They're not open today, because of the...
Don't worry, I'll call as soon as I get home.
And the door?
I did the door. Yeah.
- The door? - Yeah.
What a bitch!
The handle...
The manager gave me a warning.
They stuck me at the fish counter for a week!
You screwed up the shopping.
I said sweet butter and you got salted!
The writing on the package was too small.
Yeah, well, you got the right ice cream.
Day one of retirement,
and it's anarchy!
You screwed up the shopping,
you screwed up the phone call and the handiwork...
Pull yourself together, Serge.
I can't take my work any more.
I show up with the shakes.
I'm this far from going from homeopathy to tranquillisers.
You've gotta move on.
What happens when I crack? We've got three outstanding loans.
We've gotta get money. Money's gotta come in...
Fast!
These meds are awesome!
All sorts!
But eat early, because they gave me palpitations at night.
Did you keep all your pay slips?
My wife says I'm missing a few.
Okay.
- Do you remember the companies? - Fortunately.
A memory like an elephant!
Sorry to say this, sir, but you've got something, there.
It's humungous. You've gotta get rid of it.
- There. - Here?
- There! - Where? Here?
There! There!
- Where? Here! - Right there!
Wow.
- Is that blood? - Yeah, well.
I worked in the slaughterhouse.
Well, then.
You have to find these companies.
And if they no longer exist,
find the people you worked with and have them write you an affidavit.
Then,
go see the complementary retirement funds,
ARRCO, AGIRC, GREGRIC, if you paid your dues.
Get all that together and bring it back to me, understood?
Yes. Too bad my wife's not here, but okay...
it's simple. You need ten affidavits from these jobs you say here.
So you go get them, and we'll be all right.
You know I don't like to drive.
Anyway, the windshield isn't fixed.
You're gonna get that heap of junk from the garage
and go get those papers.
Yeah...
I don't think I'm up to riding.
Serge, this is for real.
A motorbike's just like a bike. You don't forget.
Got your bag? The envelope with money?
Yeah, it's all in my pocket.
Okay. Now go.
Don't worry, I won't ride fast.
Roll like a retiree!
And don't use up all the credit on my phone!
Don't worry.
Watch out, man.
40% of retirees don't reach 65.
And you want your affidavit?
Either that or I have to buy back trimesters.
Buy back?
Yeah, see, if I buy trimesters,
if I buy them back,
I can add them to time already worked...
And then...
I get full benefits.
So that's why I have to buy them back.
Anybody wanna buy some trimesters?
All right, help me get him out and I'll get your paper.
We're in the hole, in the hole, in the hole!
We're deep in the hole with mad fools!
We'll be covered with mud, mud, mud!
Closer to carrots than potatoes!
We'll go to Jane's, Jane's, Jane's!
We'll go to Jane's, Jane's... Easy now!
We'll drink to glory, glory, glory!
We'll drink to the glory of veterans!
Just called to say everything's all right.
Just... called to say it's me.
It was me.
Everything's good.
Hey, little baby, it's Daddy.
Yes, my little one, yes, yes...
You know I love you, little darling.
And so am I...
I'll be so happy too.
Sweet honey bunch, soon.
Evening.
On the menu tonight we have a celery remoulade and cod brandade.
- That's fine. - What would you like to drink?
Same as these other gentlemen.
- Saumur Champigny... - I like Saumur Champigny.
- Nice choice. - Thanks.
Yes, my baby...
Yes, my darling...
Of course, you know I'll come back.
- It's kind of cold... - I always come back!
For August, I mean...
Daddy says he'll be there.
I swear I'll be there.
Yes, darling. Yes, my baby.
Yes, my baby.
Yes, I love you. Yes...
Don't exaggerate!
You know I have to work.
You know I've got to!
My work is selling house fences.
I've got to.
How else would you eat your Frenchie fries?
And fish sticks? Yes, my baby.
So now you understand, don't you?
I promise you, darling.
Yes, dear, yes.
I swear I'll be there, my baby.
Yes, I'll be there.
I swear I'll be there.
No, it's a crouton.
Yes, dear... Kisses.
Kiss, kiss, baby...
What's the matter, sir? A little problem?
- It's nothing. - Sure?
It's my baby...
- What's the matter? - My baby...
- You okay? - Yeah.
- Sure? - Yeah, I'm sure.
Hello!
You okay or what?
Yes.
I'm looking for the boss.
He's not here, went to Morocco for two weeks. What you want?
I was security here in '77.
I need a pay slip for my retirement.
- Security? - Yeah.
Retirement for security? That's a new one!
I've been a doorman for four years and I get paid under the table.
I wouldn't mind a little whisky...
Yes, sir, a single? A double?
How's the retirement? Your grandkids growing up well?
Say,
didn't we meet on a cruise last summer?
Yeah, I was doing personal care work.
I wiped your wife's ass.
Get the fuck out!
All right, I'll come back in two weeks.
You do that. Two old fucks like you should work it out.
- Yeah. - Get the fuck out.
- In two weeks... - Right.
Hard times...
Yeah, times are hard. Now get lost!
Virginia, fire them all. Only trainees from now on.
Here's my card, let's talk soon!
Yes, it's to say that...
To say that all's right.
I got about two of the papers.
Routine, you know.
Are there bones in that?
There might be, it's called a fish!
Is it wild or farmed?
It's wild, as it's written.
What kind of fish is it?
Dolphin.
Mammuth, you're a good guy, but retirement,
you know that's not part of our game, don't you?
Can you imagine the size of retirement mobile homes?
But I need that paper. You owe me at least that...
What do I owe you, Mammuth? Nothing.
We paid you, we're not gonna pay you twice!
And as for the administration, I don't exist. I don't leave a trail!
What would happen then?
You pay taxes and even more taxes.
Then what? Why not electric bills while we're at it?
Stay as you are.
They're the jerks, it's shameful.
Don't let them get to you.
I love you.
Too late!
- What time? - Five o'clock.
I've been here since four.
Your buddy here cleaned up!
I got some mean thinking going on.
Let me tell you,
in professional prospecting, it's all about method. Method.
Have you noticed that nobody puts their towel down where you go?
Would you sunbathe near a trash can? No!
I'll give you a hint, buddy.
You see, there's an imaginary line from there to there.
It's the doughnut vendor's path. That's right!
People get up and go to the vendor, they buy their doughnut and pay.
Sometimes they pay and drop coins.
So as soon as I get here, I follow that imaginary line!
Fifty ten-cent coins!
Not to mention the twenties.
Because I got me a method.
Method.
I don't like you.
Yes?
Hello?
May I help you, sir?
Yes, I see you've changed names
but I worked here from '73 to '75.
Serge Pilardosse.
I was at the ribbed roller,
then at the grinder,
and the last month I was a miller's apprentice.
I don't understand what you're telling me.
Why not? This isn't Notre-Calvé any more?
No, sir. You're at Funny Rabbit.
We specialise in 3D storyboards.
Huh?
You mean the grindstone is gone?
I can't believe it. The turbine weighed twelve tons.
Sorry, sir, I don't know what you're talking about.
But isn't there a manager who kept the work papers?
No, sir, everything is computerised. That's quite enough, sir.
I need those papers... Hello...
Take a look in the cellar or the silo, that's where they put the papers.
I have work to do, sir. I advise you to go to our site.
- Goodbye, sir. - The site?
But I'm at the site!
Hello!
- So I want my papers! - Calm down, sir.
They're at the archdiocese in La Rochelle.
Problem is, they're on vacation until the end of August.
I don't care, I'll wait.
I want my papers.
I want
my papers!
Not bad, huh?
What did you have?
I got the special, six euros.
Sausage and lentils and this carrot here...
Funny, I got the same thing.
Anyway, that's all they had.
But, frankly, it was delicious.
I thought so too.
Yeah.
We're well off in France.
Yes, we are.
You know, you can ask me what I've got.
Everybody wants to know why.
Doesn't bother me.
I got in a motorcycle accident.
Well, here's my room.
Good night, sir.
Good night.
I saw a bike outside. Is it yours?
Yeah, a Munch Mammut, 1973.
I had a Honda 2000.
Would you mind talking bikes a bit?
It's my 17th operation tomorrow. I'm a bit scared.
It's relaxing being with you.
If you knew all I've been through over the years.
I can imagine.
The doctors thought I was screwed.
But I always knew I'd make it.
I have to pee.
Can you carry me?
This is such a pain.
In my situation, it's not easy.
Thanks...
Thank you.
Wait, can you stay?
In case I faint... I know you're here.
Sure, of course.
Thanks.
That feels good.
Thank God my pelvis wasn't hurt at all.
See, the perineum is intact.
Now I squeeze...
I relax...
Now I squeeze...
I relax...
How lovely.
Now I squeeze...
I relax.
I squeeze...
I relax.
Come on, take me!
It's a pleasure to meet kind people like you.
No!
Shit!
What an ass!
What a fucking ass! Damn it!
Sorry, no retirement for us!
Fuck! My phone!
I love you.
So do I.
I never thought a girl like you...
That I'd go out with a girl like you.
How am I so special?
- You're beautiful. - Stop it.
You're to die for.
This is the first time I kissed a girl.
You're the first... the first girl I've dated.
I'm very lucky.
That's why I liked you.
My parents can't see me. I said I was studying with a friend.
You wanna take me for a ride?
You wanna come to my house?
My parents are eating out tonight.
Okay. Ride fast!
Like the wind!
Jean-Luc!
Hello, mister burglar.
Jean-Luc's not here?
No, he's on his honeymoon.
He got married... at 65?
Yeah, with a French-Russian supermodel.
When's he back?
He didn't say.
- May I address you formally? - Uh... Sure.
You have an exquisite nose. Like noses that smell truffles.
What's your name?
I'm Miss Ming, Jean-Luc's daughter.
Solange!
I remember... I saw you when you were a little girl.
I'm Serge. Jean-Luc is my brother.
I mean, I'm your uncle! You see?
I dunno, he never mentioned you.
Well... We got in a fight over some stupid inheritance thing.
I dunno who was more of an ass, but...
We lost sight of each other... You've grown up!
- That's silly. - Yeah, it is.
Oh yeah!
Is cousin Pierre still around?
Yeah.
Doesn't he live nearby?
Usually, he's still there.
All right.
Hey, Serge!
Hey, cousin!
How long has it been?
Since Uncle Benedict's burial. That's it!
At least twenty years ago!
You haven't changed a bit...
- Come on in. - Okay.
I gotta say...
Not so brilliant.
Yeah.
But it's been 45 years!
Phew...
I gotta go.
Nice to get together again, huh?
Star key.
Repeat please.
Star key.
Repeat please.
Star key!
Choose a service.
Collective Labour.
Edict-in-progress. Labour Relations.
I did not understand.
Labour Relations!
I did not understand.
Labour Relations!
La-bour Relations!
Labour Relations Service. Your name please.
Pilardosse.
Repeat please.
Pi-lar-dosse!
I did not understand. Repeat please.
Pi-lar-dosse!
I've been retired for a week.
But I'm missing one or two work papers from...
Particularly from Graingrain.
And then they came...
Affidavits, you know...
Or two.
Hey, Pilardosse!
What fair wind brings you here?
That's just it.
Graingrain.
Does it still exist? Because I can't find it.
Where is it?
On the desk...
I had...
- I had... - Huh?
A big dictionary...
My hip hurts!!
L...
I did not understand. Repeat please!
L...
- P... I... L... Next letter. - A.
- P... I... L... A... Next letter. - R.
- P... I... L... L... - No, A!
- P... I... L... A... - R.
I did not understand. Repeat please!
R.
I did not understand. Repeat please!
R.
- P... I... L... A... R. Next letter. - D.
P... I... L... A... R... D. Next letter.
OS.
P... I... L... A... R... D... OS.
Are you there?
May I come with you?
Is it cold or hot?
Cold.
What will you do?
I dunno.
Do you remember?
Yes, everything.
It was cold that night.
Yes.
But we were warm.
Yes.
We were always warm.
Nothing bad could happen to us.
But it did.
Yes.
Don't worry, I'm here all the same.
I'm doing all right.
So am I.
Hey, Mum, there's a man sleeping at the bus stop.
What do I do? Call the police?
Well, he's fat and he stinks.
Okay, bye, Mum.
I've got a problem.
No cash, and my cousin is depressing.
Mind if I stay for a day or two?
Sure, my little homeless man.
I'm gonna go get another retirement affidavit.
I'll see you in a bit.
Go, my little homeless man. Seek your former life.
Right.
- So what do you think? - It's good.
No, it's shit.
I picked the worst vintage for you. 1982.
Pure water!
It's not so bad.
Why didn't we declare you with the agriculture retirement fund?
Give it a good thought.
Because I'm not a grower.
And why aren't you a grower?
Because I don't have a degree?
And why don't you have a degree?
I didn't graduate high school.
And why not?
Because I didn't like school.
Why didn't you like school?
Well... Yes...
Because the teachers riled me.
Why did they rile you?
Because I didn't understand shit. Nothing at all.
And why didn't you understand?
Well, because...
Because...
One word will suffice!
Hell, I dunno... I dunno.
I'll help you out.
Because you're lame!
It's simple. I didn't pay your dues
because you're lame.
Totally lame!
- That's all you want to buy? - Yes.
- What's the knife for? - To end it all.
Wait, put it back on the shelf.
Let's talk... I'm off in five minutes.
I 'd like that.
Good. See you in a few.
Thanks, ma'am.
Catherine. My name's Catherine. And yours?
Serge.
You can't do things like that.
Life is shit, but you gotta live with it.
Ah, that's good!
Mammuth!
Big Bertha!
You still got the old Mammut!
Amazing! You know it's worth a fortune these days?
- Oh, yeah? - You bet!
- Come have a drink at the house! - Lead the way!
Giacomo Agostini... On the MV4.
Mike Hailwood, six-cylinder Honda, man.
Check out Barry Sheene.
A two-stroke Suzuki.
Fucking two strokes!
Mammuth...
You must've suffered bad, man.
I want you to know,
I've always got a can of oil for you.
Really?
That's the way I am.
Not just any oil: Igol!
That's really cool.
Check this out, Uncle Potato.
I've got a present for you.
Close your eyes.
Open your eyes.
Look.
It's you.
A giant on the outside,
and all soft on the inside.
The elephant is your head,
the rabbits are your hands,
and the marmoset is your weenie.
- It's well done. - It's what you deserve!
Come...
Let's get you dressed and go see some friends of mine.
Hey, girls, how about a round of golf?
16... Only two more left!
I got some! I got a lot.
Wait up!
Serge, you're not playing around...
I didn't touch her, she's my niece!
I wasn't jealous... I was saying you were having fun.
That's a good thing.
I don't like seeing you bored.
You're a virgin, you're handsome.
Stay that way.
How'd you do it?
Well, there's method... and method!
This is the only place the chicks can sunbathe buck naked without being seen.
Say Cecile, that's how I see her,
she shows up, takes her little towel, lies down.
A few minutes later,
she takes off her bracelet so as not to leave a mark.
She chats, reads her chick lit, leaves and forgets her bracelet.
Method, man.
Luck, that's all!
Yesterday I found a watch.
A Jean-Pierre Cardin.
Loser!
Excuse me...
- All aboard! - I'm not one of you.
Excuse me, I'm not with your group.
Excuse me.
- Get inside! - No, excuse me.
I'm not with you, please!
I don't want this, excuse me. Leave me alone!
I'm not one of you.
Did your retiree come home?
No, I'm starting to get worried.
Can I borrow your phone?
Of course.
I've got credit again... Then push the green button.
Oh Lord, take a look at my hair!
Hello, Serge?
No, Serge isn't here, ma'am.
I stole his phone.
He's such an idiot he didn't think to cut off the line.
Gotta go. I got work to do.
- Hello. - Any trouble?
I ran out of gas. Can you take me to a station?
No problem, my pleasure.
- What's your name? - Jean-Luc.
Nice name.
Fuck... That bitch!
- What's up? - My cell phone.
With camera, my MP thingamajig...
- My mini SD disk. - Yeah?
- Danielle, you're my friend. - Yes!
- A true friend? - Of course.
Well, we'll see about that.
You think a skinny bitch fits into a 40-gallon bag?
I think so.
Grab a shovel, I'll get a can of acid.
How about a rake?
No, a shovel!
I got it.
Is something wrong?
Yes. it's municipal social services.
They've offered me jobs, but I don't fit the profile.
Now they say they've got a good job, but I don't fit in, so I'm scared.
Come on!
You have to go!
You have to work!
Gently, Sonia, gently...
Sonia.
Wait a minute!
Come in!
I'm here for the interview.
Take a seat.
You're Miss Pilardosse?
That's it. But you can call me Miss Ming, if you like.
Okay.
So you know that we work hand in hand with the municipality
for which we accomplish daily cleaning missions.
I mention the municipality but we also work the private sector.
Do you have any experience? I mean, as a cleaning agent?
No, never.
I do like cleaning up my place.
When I have friends over for dinner,
it's normal, they are my friends,
I like things to be clean.
Fine.
You work quickly?
Not really, I like to reflect beforehand.
I like to create an emptiness inside me.
In fact, I thought about writing a résumé
on toilet paper with my menstrual blood.
And then,
I thought about making a tree of rags with the intestines of my pigs.
It was kinda my uncle Serge's idea, because he's visiting me now.
Interesting.
What are your salary expectations?
Let me think.
Say, 3,000. That's my fetish number.
3,000...
Well, your application interests us.
I... I'm a bit hesitant.
May I ask you to wait in the other room?
In a few minutes I'll let you know the final results of our interview.
How's that?
Fine, sir, and I bid you goodbye, sir.
You can come out now, Sonia.
She's a freak!
So?
Didn't work out.
Why not?
He said my profile was interesting,
but he was afraid I wouldn't wake up early enough.
Why?
Because he was upset that I told him I wrote poems from midnight to 4am.
What an asshole! Who is he?
That's him.
That's him?
Wait here, don't move.
I want to tell you...
That was not right.
I know what it's like to lose a phone. I lost one myself.
It's kinda like your life is stolen.
A whole life.
How will I get all my numbers back?
I don't really give a damn, but what about my photos?
When Serge kissed me in front of the Eiffel Tower.
Our trip to Paris...
- Did you stay a long time? - Five days, but...
What a time! I can tell you things happened between Serge and me.
This is even worse, Catherine! It's robbery.
Do you realise that there's some little bitch
who's prying into your private life with Serge...
And she might be making fun of you!
I'm gonna smash her fucking face!
As you rip her apart, I'm gonna film it with my phone!
I'm gonna skin the ugly cunt alive!
- Fucking bimbo! - Fucking bitch!
Don't you worry...
You realise what the girl said to me?
Yeah, I know, I know.
Called Serge an idiot. Only I can do that!
- And Serge is no stupid jerk! - You said it!
That bitch doesn't know what's coming.
We won't hurt her, just give her a scare.
Break both her legs, we will!
I'll push her on the ground, you stick the shovel in her face.
Yeah!
I'll say, uh, "My phone, pretty girl! Now apologise!"
- We'll humiliate her. - I'm gonna tell her...
When she apologises, I'm gonna say, "What was that? I didn't hear you!"
"Say it again!"
"And, pretty missy, if you start again we'll know where to find you!"
Speaking of which, where will we find her?
Uh...
Oh, yeah, shit!
You know what? We're not gonna say a thing.
Okay.
I'll just cut off the line.
But don't you worry.
I'm not gonna let this thing drop.
Of course not.
That's pretty, what is it?
A swimming pool.
It looks like a bean.
A swimming pool.
The sun's nice.
Yeah, it's real nice.
I've never had much time in the sun.
It's nice to do nothing too.
I've never had much time...
to do nothing.
You see that cloud?
Looks like a stradi-virus.
I've never been here before.
Thanks to you, I'm here. Thank you.
Thanks to you, I feel good.
It's the first time
I feel like I'm breathing.
Oh, yes.
Open your eyes!
Open your nostrils!
Open your arms!
- Open your ass? - Oh yes!
Open yourself!
- Open yourself! - Feels so good!
Hey, Big Bertha, it's Mammuth.
Say, how much is my bike worth?
That much?
You gonna buy some trimesters?
Is that it?
I have to go back.
Where?
- Home. - Why?
Because you brought me back to life.
But I'm not 40 any more.
It's not my place here. I have to go.
- Whatever, but it's silly. - Yeah.
Look.
It's a gift for you.
See, one slice of paper, one slice of ham...
A slice of paper,
a slice of ham.
It's called Ham Art.
There you go!
It's beautiful. When will you write your first poem?
Soon, my lucky charm, soon.
I have to tell you something.
- See that giant vulture in the yard? - Yes.
In fact, dad's buried underneath.
He wanted me to get his retirement benefits.
He wasn't all that stingy!
- Choukran, my booboo. - Sure.
Kisses.
Thanks for the flowers.
I've never seen you so happy before.
I dunno.
Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't do something else.
Stop whimpering and move your fucking ass!
Be happy now.
Without me.
Catherine...
I love you.
I love you, my dear.
Oh how I love you.
Yes, I love you.
I love you.
For those of you still asleep,
this is your baccalaureate exam in philosophy.
No cell phones, no documents. You have four hours.
You can look at the subjects now.
Work.
My pinkie tells me I've done it all my life.
My whole life counting the hours.
My whole life drenched in pouring sweat.
All I earned in the hard winter
I spent in the summer.
Year after yeah.
That's what you call paid holidays.
I worked and sold my soul
all to forget.
I worked to smother words
to hold on to my true love.
Now I can say to you
I lived the worst.
Yet, thanks to my muses
I know that henceforth
my only work
is to love.
That's the last battle.
Serge Pilardosse.
Serge...
Pilardosse.
I love you, my sea elephant.
There are stars in your eyes.
Impure, but you are my purity, my uncle.
My godfather my parent, I love you so.
Go seek
your life, your hopes,
your smells, your impurities.